No Punishment Necessary…Doesn’t that sound great?!? Imagine your cooperative, happy children and no need for any punishment…no time out…no spanking…no taking away treasured things or special treats.

Instead of punishment use the Power of Respect…

I could tell you that this would improve your life…and that would be true, but really it does more than that, so much more that it seems like hype…but it’s not.

The Power of Respect changes the habits of parenting and makes it so much simpler for everyone and much, much more enjoyable. Think of the most fun you have had with your children. Now you get to have as much of that as you want. Think of the peaceful, quiet times. You get those too, as much as you want.  Think of the serious, focused, learning, getting things done times. Those are yours too, as much as you want…

Imagine your child smiling, laughing, moving joyfully through life…looking with wonder at life’s beauty and mystery, experiencing the thrill of discovery, the challenge of adventure, fulfilling their gifts, living a life full of blessings.

Go to www.parentchildteacher.com… and  this can be theirs and yours to share…

In my last post I wrote that I’d share with you how to create wonderful ‘choices’ for your children.

Of course, if your children are already joyful about the choices you offer them, you might not want to read this. However, if you want your children to be able to create the life they want to live, the sooner they begin making their own choices, the better. They need the experience.

Let’s use the bedtime example. It’s better if this process takes place at a time other than bedtime or any other stressful time.

Tell your child that you are having a problem and you need her help. Tell her that you want her to be happy to go to bed. Tell her that you want her to help you think of ideas so that she can be happy to go to bed. Tell her that you want to come up with choices that you both like, that you don’t want to be the only one to think of choices.

Tell her that you are going to write down all of the ideas you both come up with, but that you are only going to agree to the ones that both of you like. The other ideas are going to be crossed off.

Ask her what you both can do so that she can be happy to go to bed. Write down any ideas she comes up with. If you need to start giving ideas, do so.

When neither of you come up with more ideas, then go through the list together and cross off any idea that one of you doesn’t like. It doesn’t matter why it is not liked.

What you have left are the ideas for the good choices for your child. You both like them, so…

You and your child can do this for any issue, yours or hers, including bedtime again, if new choices are needed…

I wish you all the best. You can get more information at www.parentchildteacher.com

I was watching the movie ‘Stardust.’ At one point one of the witches gives two of the characters a ‘choice’: “Either you can ride in the carriage, or be dragged behind. Your choice.” When the characters would rather not go with her at all. She uses this again later, “So what’s it to be? Frog or tadpole?” As if that character might like to be turned into either one.

I’m afraid that is my attitude to much of the choice giving that is given to children. Thinking that because they are being given choices, it doesn’t matter what those choices are. “You can go to bed right now, or after I read you one story. Your choice.” Right. Great choice. What if the child is not tired and does not want to go to bed at all, or wants 10 stories, or wants to watch a favorite DVD first, or…

What if both are considered evils to the child…never mind that, they are ‘lucky’ to be getting to choose. Right? Sure, that’s right in a totaliarian household, the training ground for a totaliarian world…but who really wants to live like that?

I don’t know of anyone.

A true ‘choice’ is when there is more than one desirable, wonderful thing to choose from…think about it. Isn’t that the kind of choice you’d like? Where any choice is a great, joyful choice!

In my next post, I’ll let you know how you can make this happen for your family….

You might like to go to www.parentchildteacher.com and check it out now!

I was just about to go to sleep…I was thinking over something I learned very long ago, but it is only tonight that I realized it, made it a living real part of me. Then I thought that this is knowledge that a two-year-old is designed to develop. 

I’ve known that some part of my development stopped at that age, due to many traumas and not having respect as the foundation in my family. It can be very hard to be respectful to two-year-olds. Now I feel I can go on, as if some very deep healing has taken place.

I feel peace, light, joy and I had to come write to you about two-year-olds, or at least begin the process.

The two-year-old has entered a critical stage of development. They are no longer inwardly compelled to do certain things as a baby or toddler is. Think how many times you try to stop a baby from putting something in her mouth. She is compelled to experience that object in that way.

But the two-year-old can now be outwardly motivated, as an older child can. Unfortunately, many parents do not seem understand the developmental role of this period and do many things to hamper that development.

This is the time for the individual to develop their will power. So they are practicing wanting and willing and persevering. It is very important for them to do this work, as these abilities are very important to their role as an adult.

During this time of development the child is not an integrated being. They are working on developing their intelligence, their will and their movements, separately. After this time they begin to integrate. But it is the will that gives the parents the most trouble.

Please understand that the two-year-old needs to practice wanting, so, as much as possible do not interfere with this practice. If you can let them go after what they want, they will learn many valuable lessons that will serve them well in their life.

Because they are just practicing wanting, they do not necessarily have an intelligent interest in what they are wanting, and so if it is inappropriate, can be redirected to want something else. “Ooo, look at this!” with gentle physical redirection is quite sufficient for redirecting.

If they are determined to go after a certain object or experience, perhaps their intelligence is guiding them to do this, and integration is taking place. In that case, it is good if you can help it happen safely rather than block it. Most things they want to do are not dangerous. (I say that because someone always says, “but what if they want to run into the street?”)

I would be inclined to show them the danger as safely as possible. At our Montessori school we had a match activity with very specific safeguards. The children learned how to use matches safely. Living out in the country, this was a very important skill.

Another reason they might persist is the development of the ability to persevere. This is so critical to success. I’ll discuss this more another time.

By the way, the information I have now integrated is: if I have a goal, my actions either bring me closer or further away, and it’s ok to have a goal and to take actions that move me ever closer to fulfilling that goal until it is fulfilled. I believe that if I had been allowed and helped to develop as I was born to develop, I would have integrated this knowledge by the end of my second year.

But maybe I would not have become conscious of the process and determined to share it with the world, along with other aspects of the Power of Respect. (Have you checked out the Power of Respect blog?) Also check out www.parentchildteacher.com

Sweet dreams.

Don’t you find it interesting to learn life’s lessons, to make steep climbs and reach new places and new vistas? Before I go on I want to clear up a possible confusion for some of you. I had a meeting with a group of interested people (people interested in the Power of Respect) and every one of them thought that when I mentioned ‘democratic’ I was referring to the Democratic Party…I was referring to our democracy, our democratic form of government. This is just in case I confused you.

I was just attempting to be timely in my choice of topics (greatly advised by internet gurus and publicity people)…everyone seems very concerned with politics…I didn’t think of how I might tie into the Olympics…

One of the great results of growing up in a family where respect is the bottom line is that you grow up as a whole, integrated person. That means that internally you are not at war with yourself. You don’t have part of yourself wanting one thing and another part equally wanting an opposite thing. You maintain inner harmony and peace.

I just realized that I have just gone through a period like that, but instead of going to war or into defeat as I would have in the past, I went on strike: “I’m not doing anything until this gets resolved in a mutually agreeable manner!” It took a while, but now I am doing and being in an inwardly agreeable manner.

It’s kind of how I taught 3-year-olds one of the strategies of the Power of Respect. They were fighting over something (this was in our Montessori school). I came up to them and asked, “Does anyone need help?” They told me their problem. The first time it was over a swing. Two children wanted to swing on that swing at the same time.

I held onto the chain and said, “Let’s figure out what we can do so that this works for both of you. You are both important people.” Then we went into the strategy. In a few minutes they had figured out something that worked for both of them.

Once or twice more and they never needed my help again to find a mutually agreeable solution. I just realized that even though I formally presented this to only some of the students, all of the students used it on their own. Kind of like the hundredth monkey. Spontaneous knowledge.

Thanks to all of you who have been reading my blog while I was ‘on strike’ learning to merge focused planning with spontaneous action. First I had to figure out what the issue was…

Have you checked out my websites? I’m having a phenomenal $1 sale on two of my ebooks and on the first class of the course I’m designing.

Best Wishes to You All,

Karen Ryce

I believe that all parents love their kids. I cannot believe that any parent really wants to hurt their kids.  I think that when a parent says “this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you,” they believe it. They do not want to hurt their children, physically, mentally, emotionally, but they don’t know what else to do.

Many people believe that they need to punish their children so that they will grow up to be good people. They are wrong. It’s like the old saying, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” When a kid does something the parent thinks is wrong, the wrong of hurting that kid does not make everything right.

The Power of Respect gives parents a powerful, harmless way of helping their kids learn to make good choices. You can use Power of Respect Tools, Skills and Strategies to save your kids from the five harms of ruler-ruled parenting:

  1. Blind Followers: Kids who participate in the strategy that ends conflict are used to going for what they want without stepping on others to get it. They are not in the habit of blindly following anyone.
  2. Non-Thinkers: Because they are used to getting their needs met in their family, they are used to thinking about what they want. Through the process of making decisions and experiencing the results, they have probably learned to be careful in their decisions so that they won’t get results they don’t want. That takes thinking.
  3. Resisters, Rebels, Revolutionaries: Because of the use of the Power of Respect in their family, there is no need to get stuck in resisting or rebeling against anything. They know that they won’t be forced to do something they don’t want to do. They know that everyone in their family cooperates with each other. Everyone in their family is respectful to each other. This is their habit.
  4. Bullies: These kids have lived lives full of cooperation, respect and helpfulness. This is what they are full of and this is what they give out. No bullies here.
  5. Unfulfilled Lives: Because they are encouraged and helped to experience what they want to experience in life they live fulfilled lives. They are not torn away from their center at a young age. They are encouraged to stay in touch with their center, to dream and follow their dreams, to believe in themselves and what they want to be and do in life, moment by moment.

These are just five possible harms of ruler-ruled parenting. There are many more troubles created by this approach (read the chapter Social Ills in Parenting with the Power of Respect). Learn to use the Power of Respect and avoid all of that trouble for you and your kids.

Check out my websites. At http://www.parentchidlteacher.com you can sign up for a free mini-course. At http://www.besthelpfortroubledteens.comyou can sign up for a free ebook. You can also check out http://powerofrespect.wordpress.com. Soon a full course based on my ebook Parenting with the Power of Respect will be available.

I just added another post on raising a democratic citizen to the Power of Respect blog. Today I discuss five harmful outcomes for our kids (short for children and teens) by using ruler-ruled parenting practices.

  1. Blind Followers
  2. Non-Thinkers
  3. Resisters, Rebels, Revolutionaries
  4. Bullies
  5. Unfulfilled Lives

1.  Blind Followers: Do you really want your child to become a blind follower? If they are fortunate enough to follow someone who genuinely cares about them, they still have little chance of living a deeply fulfilling life, because they are not inwardly motivated. They have given up their personal power and let others direct their life. And what if they follow someone who does not care about them…

2.  Non-Thinkers: When parents insist on doing the thinking in the family, and if the child gives in and gives up, deciding someone else can think things out better than they can…How limiting…I cannot imagine that any parent would choose this for their child…here again, where is the fulfillment?

3.  Resisters, Rebels, Revolutionaries: This is an unfortunate position for a strong-willed child because too often they get locked into this position. It becomes a habit rather than a free willed choice. This is when it is harmful, limiting the person to always take that stance. It starts as a survival strategy and ends up ruling their life.

4.  Bullies: This is another sad position to be in. The bullies I have known have been inwardly wounded, if not tormented, people. They cause pain to others out of the pain they feel within. Too bad all the way around.

5.  Unfulfilled Lives: When a child is forced to look outside of themselves for what to do and not to do, they lose touch with their inner being. It is being in touch with the inner being that produces a fulfilled life. I’m sure that no parent intends to inflict this on their children, but many, many do.

Tomorrow, or soon, I will discuss how to avoid all of these harms.

Best Wishes To All,

Karen Ryce

I don’t know if you know, but I have another blog on wordpress called The Power of Respect. Today I have started a series of posts there on raising a democratic citizen. You might like to check it out.

This is concept is based on a chapter with that title, in my original book Parenting for the New Millennium. I didn’t see parents treating children in ways that would help those children develop the qualities and skills that would be good to have in the citizens of our democracy.

For example:

Parents are in charge of making the decisions for the family. How does that equate to the situations the children will experience when they are grown and voting citizens? It doesn’t.

How can we expect people to suddenly, at age 18, with no history of intelligent practice, suddenly to become wise decision makers….it is asking an almost impossible task of our youth.

They will most likely go through the process of ‘learning from their mistakes,’ that’s a familiar one, right? If they had been ‘learning from their mistakes’ all along, by 18 they would have learned a lot, and make many fewer mistakes.

If the Power of Respect had been the foundation in their family, they would have learned decision making as part of a loving family group, where everyone participated, everyone’s input was valued, no decisions were made if someone in the family objected, including them. (This is even better than majority rules. Maybe…)

They’d be learning wisdom and harmony in action.

With the Power of Respect they’d be learning a lot more, too. How to:

  • respect themselves
  • respect others
  • be kind
  • be responsible
  • be trustworthy
  • cooperate

…There is no end to the good qualities children raised with the Power of Respect can and do develop…

I’ve already given information to help you get started in an earlier post. If you go to the website http://www.besthelpfortroubledteens.com , even if you do not have teenagers, this site has a lot of valuable, helpful information

I’ll leave you with something else you can do to establish the Power of Respect as the bedrock, fail-safe foundation it can be for your family:

Do your best to cooperate with you kids (I say ‘kids’ because it includes children and teens). If they want something or to do something, instead of immediately thinking ‘no,’ think ‘how it might be possible.’

Be a living example of how to cooperate with someone. Then your kids get to see up close and personal how it works, what to do and how to do it. They get to feel how great it feels when someone cooperates with them, especially their parent.

Give it a try and let me know how it works. If you have a question you can put it in a response or email me at kvryce@parentchildteacher.com

Best Wishes,

Karen Ryce

The business aspect of my work got re-invented several times due to learning so much at the conference. I am going to be teaching the first module of my Power of Respect Course to teens at a local shelter. This module is called Ending Conflict.

A friend offered to fund one of my non-profit ventures. I went to the shelter where they already love my work and we instantly put together a deal.

That evening I went to observe. I’ve been hearing (intuition) to focus on foster parents first in this big push to massively share my work. I heard it again loud and clear while I was at the shelter.

So, I am going to make my course available to non-profit organizations that work with foster parents. I am also going to find donors who want a tax write off and/or who believe in this work. If you want to recommend either of these to me, I’d greatly appreciate it.

Best Wishes To You All,

Karen

I feel so dedicated to my new blogs. If I miss a day. I feel uncomfortable, but sometimes so much is going on, there is no time. I won a weekend workshop with John Assaraf and the group he is part of, One Coach. It started today and goes through Monday.

It is fantastic! Right up there with my wildest dreams!

I’ll be so much more effective with my sharing of information in the very near future. I’ll do my best to post something every evening…

I’ve already given a lot to get started with, but soon I’ll be back full-fledge.

Best Wishes Always,

Karen Ryce