Understanding The Two-Year-Old

I was just about to go to sleep…I was thinking over something I learned very long ago, but it is only tonight that I realized it, made it a living real part of me. Then I thought that this is knowledge that a two-year-old is designed to develop. 

I’ve known that some part of my development stopped at that age, due to many traumas and not having respect as the foundation in my family. It can be very hard to be respectful to two-year-olds. Now I feel I can go on, as if some very deep healing has taken place.

I feel peace, light, joy and I had to come write to you about two-year-olds, or at least begin the process.

The two-year-old has entered a critical stage of development. They are no longer inwardly compelled to do certain things as a baby or toddler is. Think how many times you try to stop a baby from putting something in her mouth. She is compelled to experience that object in that way.

But the two-year-old can now be outwardly motivated, as an older child can. Unfortunately, many parents do not seem understand the developmental role of this period and do many things to hamper that development.

This is the time for the individual to develop their will power. So they are practicing wanting and willing and persevering. It is very important for them to do this work, as these abilities are very important to their role as an adult.

During this time of development the child is not an integrated being. They are working on developing their intelligence, their will and their movements, separately. After this time they begin to integrate. But it is the will that gives the parents the most trouble.

Please understand that the two-year-old needs to practice wanting, so, as much as possible do not interfere with this practice. If you can let them go after what they want, they will learn many valuable lessons that will serve them well in their life.

Because they are just practicing wanting, they do not necessarily have an intelligent interest in what they are wanting, and so if it is inappropriate, can be redirected to want something else. “Ooo, look at this!” with gentle physical redirection is quite sufficient for redirecting.

If they are determined to go after a certain object or experience, perhaps their intelligence is guiding them to do this, and integration is taking place. In that case, it is good if you can help it happen safely rather than block it. Most things they want to do are not dangerous. (I say that because someone always says, “but what if they want to run into the street?”)

I would be inclined to show them the danger as safely as possible. At our Montessori school we had a match activity with very specific safeguards. The children learned how to use matches safely. Living out in the country, this was a very important skill.

Another reason they might persist is the development of the ability to persevere. This is so critical to success. I’ll discuss this more another time.

By the way, the information I have now integrated is: if I have a goal, my actions either bring me closer or further away, and it’s ok to have a goal and to take actions that move me ever closer to fulfilling that goal until it is fulfilled. I believe that if I had been allowed and helped to develop as I was born to develop, I would have integrated this knowledge by the end of my second year.

But maybe I would not have become conscious of the process and determined to share it with the world, along with other aspects of the Power of Respect. (Have you checked out the Power of Respect blog?)

Sweet dreams.

Inspired again!

Don’t you find it interesting to learn life’s lessons, to make steep climbs and reach new places and new vistas? Before I go on I want to clear up a possible confusion for some of you. I had a meeting with a group of interested people (people interested in the Power of Respect) and every one of them thought that when I mentioned ‘democratic’ I was referring to the Democratic Party…I was referring to our democracy, our democratic form of government. This is just in case I confused you.

I was just attempting to be timely in my choice of topics (greatly advised by internet gurus and publicity people)…everyone seems very concerned with politics…I didn’t think of how I might tie into the Olympics…

One of the great results of growing up in a family where respect is the bottom line is that you grow up as a whole, integrated person. That means that internally you are not at war with yourself. You don’t have part of yourself wanting one thing and another part equally wanting an opposite thing. You maintain inner harmony and peace.

I just realized that I have just gone through a period like that, but instead of going to war or into defeat as I would have in the past, I went on strike: “I’m not doing anything until this gets resolved in a mutually agreeable manner!” It took a while, but now I am doing and being in an inwardly agreeable manner.

It’s kind of how I taught 3-year-olds one of the strategies of the Power of Respect. They were fighting over something (this was in our Montessori school). I came up to them and asked, “Does anyone need help?” They told me their problem. The first time it was over a swing. Two children wanted to swing on that swing at the same time.

I held onto the chain and said, “Let’s figure out what we can do so that this works for both of you. You are both important people.” Then we went into the strategy. In a few minutes they had figured out something that worked for both of them.

Once or twice more and they never needed my help again to find a mutually agreeable solution. I just realized that even though I formally presented this to only some of the students, all of the students used it on their own. Kind of like the hundredth monkey. Spontaneous knowledge.

Thanks to all of you who have been reading my blog while I was ‘on strike’ learning to merge focused planning with spontaneous action. First I had to figure out what the issue was…

Have you checked out my websites? I’m having a phenomenal $1 sale on two of my ebooks and on the first class of the course I’m designing.

Best Wishes to You All,

Karen Ryce

The Power of Respect: Harmless Parenting

I believe that all parents love their kids. I cannot believe that any parent really wants to hurt their kids.  I think that when a parent says “this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you,” they believe it. They do not want to hurt their children, physically, mentally, emotionally, but they don’t know what else to do.

Many people believe that they need to punish their children so that they will grow up to be good people. They are wrong. It’s like the old saying, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” When a kid does something the parent thinks is wrong, the wrong of hurting that kid does not make everything right.

The Power of Respect gives parents a powerful, harmless way of helping their kids learn to make good choices. You can use Power of Respect Tools, Skills and Strategies to save your kids from the five harms of ruler-ruled parenting:

1. Blind Followers: Kids who participate in the strategy that ends conflict are used to going for what they want without stepping on others to get it. They are not in the habit of blindly following anyone.
2. Non-Thinkers: Because they are used to getting their needs met in their family, they are used to thinking about what they want. Through the process of making decisions and experiencing the results, they have probably learned to be careful in their decisions so that they won’t get results they don’t want. That takes thinking.
3. Resisters, Rebels, Revolutionaries: Because of the use of the Power of Respect in their family, there is no need to get stuck in resisting or rebeling against anything. They know that they won’t be forced to do something they don’t want to do. They know that everyone in their family cooperates with each other. Everyone in their family is respectful to each other. This is their habit.
4. Bullies: These kids have lived lives full of cooperation, respect and helpfulness. This is what they are full of and this is what they give out. No bullies here.
5. Unfulfilled Lives: Because they are encouraged and helped to experience what they want to experience in life they live fulfilled lives. They are not torn away from their center at a young age. They are encouraged to stay in touch with their center, to dream and follow their dreams, to believe in themselves and what they want to be and do in life, moment by moment.

These are just five possible harms of ruler-ruled parenting. There are many more troubles created by this approach (read the chapter Social Ills in Parenting with the Power of Respect). Learn to use the Power of Respect and avoid all of that trouble for you and your kids.

Check out my websites. At http://www.parentchidlteacher.com you can sign up for a free mini-course. At http://www.besthelpfortroubledteens.comyou can sign up for a free ebook. You can also check out http://powerofrespect.wordpress.com. Soon a full course based on my ebook Parenting with the Power of Respect will be available.

5 Harms Of Ruler-Ruled Parenting

I just added another post on raising a democratic citizen to the Power of Respect blog. Today I discuss five harmful outcomes for our kids (short for children and teens) by using ruler-ruled parenting practices.

1. Blind Followers
2. Non-Thinkers
3. Resisters, Rebels, Revolutionaries
4. Bullies
5. Unfulfilled Lives

1.  Blind Followers: Do you really want your child to become a blind follower? If they are fortunate enough to follow someone who genuinely cares about them, they still have little chance of living a deeply fulfilling life, because they are not inwardly motivated. They have given up their personal power and let others direct their life. And what if they follow someone who does not care about them…

2.  Non-Thinkers: When parents insist on doing the thinking in the family, and if the child gives in and gives up, deciding someone else can think things out better than they can…How limiting…I cannot imagine that any parent would choose this for their child…here again, where is the fulfillment?

3.  Resisters, Rebels, Revolutionaries: This is an unfortunate position for a strong-willed child because too often they get locked into this position. It becomes a habit rather than a free willed choice. This is when it is harmful, limiting the person to always take that stance. It starts as a survival strategy and ends up ruling their life.

4.  Bullies: This is another sad position to be in. The bullies I have known have been inwardly wounded, if not tormented, people. They cause pain to others out of the pain they feel within. Too bad all the way around.

5.  Unfulfilled Lives: When a child is forced to look outside of themselves for what to do and not to do, they lose touch with their inner being. It is being in touch with the inner being that produces a fulfilled life. I’m sure that no parent intends to inflict this on their children, but many, many do.

Tomorrow, or soon, I will discuss how to avoid all of these harms.

Best Wishes To All,

Karen Ryce

The Benefits Of Raising A Democratic Citizen

I don’t know if you know, but I have another blog on wordpress called The Power of Respect. Today I have started a series of posts there on raising a democratic citizen. You might like to check it out.

This is concept is based on a chapter with that title, in my original book Parenting for the New Millennium. I didn’t see parents treating children in ways that would help those children develop the qualities and skills that would be good to have in the citizens of our democracy.

For example:

Parents are in charge of making the decisions for the family. How does that equate to the situations the children will experience when they are grown and voting citizens? It doesn’t.

How can we expect people to suddenly, at age 18, with no history of intelligent practice, suddenly to become wise decision makers….it is asking an almost impossible task of our youth.

They will most likely go through the process of ‘learning from their mistakes,’ that’s a familiar one, right? If they had been ‘learning from their mistakes’ all along, by 18 they would have learned a lot, and make many fewer mistakes.

If the Power of Respect had been the foundation in their family, they would have learned decision making as part of a loving family group, where everyone participated, everyone’s input was valued, no decisions were made if someone in the family objected, including them. (This is even better than majority rules. Maybe…)

They’d be learning wisdom and harmony in action.

With the Power of Respect they’d be learning a lot more, too. How to:

• respect themselves
• respect others
• be kind
• be responsible
• be trustworthy
• cooperate

…There is no end to the good qualities children raised with the Power of Respect can and do develop…

I’ve already given information to help you get started in an earlier post. If you go to the website http://www.besthelpfortroubledteens.com , even if you do not have teenagers, this site has a lot of valuable, helpful information

I’ll leave you with something else you can do to establish the Power of Respect as the bedrock, fail-safe foundation it can be for your family:

Do your best to cooperate with you kids (I say ‘kids’ because it includes children and teens). If they want something or to do something, instead of immediately thinking ‘no,’ think ‘how it might be possible.’

Be a living example of how to cooperate with someone. Then your kids get to see up close and personal how it works, what to do and how to do it. They get to feel how great it feels when someone cooperates with them, especially their parent.

Give it a try and let me know how it works. If you have a question you can put it in a response or email me at kvryce@parentchildteacher.com

Best Wishes,

Karen Ryce

My New Course and Foster Parents

The business aspect of my work got re-invented several times due to learning so much at the conference. I am going to be teaching the first module of my Power of Respect Course to teens at a local shelter. This module is called Ending Conflict.

A friend offered to fund one of my non-profit ventures. I went to the shelter where they already love my work and we instantly put together a deal.

That evening I went to observe. I’ve been hearing (intuition) to focus on foster parents first in this big push to massively share my work. I heard it again loud and clear while I was at the shelter.

So, I am going to make my course available to non-profit organizations that work with foster parents. I am also going to find donors who want a tax write off and/or who believe in this work. If you want to recommend either of these to me, I’d greatly appreciate it.

Best Wishes To You All,

Karen

This has to be short

I feel so dedicated to my new blogs. If I miss a day. I feel uncomfortable, but sometimes so much is going on, there is no time. I won a weekend workshop with John Assaraf and the group he is part of, One Coach. It started today and goes through Monday.

It is fantastic! Right up there with my wildest dreams!

I’ll be so much more effective with my sharing of information in the very near future. I’ll do my best to post something every evening…

I’ve already given a lot to get started with, but soon I’ll be back full-fledge.

Best Wishes Always,

Karen Ryce

Audio! Ending Kid Trouble With The Power Of Respect

I thought I could add the mp3 audio I have of a BlogTalkRadio interview of me by Sharon Capehart. I belong to her forum and I love it! She is all into empowering women. You can check out her site at http://www.positivelywomen.com

Well, it seems that I can’t put the audio on the blog. Or if I can, I don’t know how to do it…so…click on the link below and it will take you to the page on my site where I do have it available.

http://www.parentchildteacher.com/interview.html

 Below is a letter I sent out to a lot of people. It inspired the title for the radio interview, so I thought I’d include it here:

 

Why is there so much kid-trouble today? Because we have so many troubled kids. Let’s end kid-trouble. NOW.

 

I have the cure for kid-trouble. I have the recipe for the cure and can teach that recipe. Use it and kid-trouble is a thing of the past.

 

This cure does not supplant any other positive parenting solutions, it enhances them. It makes them successful. It exalts them.

 

The cure is the foundation on which every other positive parenting method or approach needs to rest to be successful. It is the fail-safe.

 

Let me share it with you and put an end to kid-trouble.

 

 

My work is called the Power of Respect^SM.

• It is the missing piece in the education and parenting puzzle.
• It brings out the best in children, teens, parents and teachers.
• Use the Power of Respect^SM, and everyone gets to have a good time, feel important and loved.
• It is simple and easy to do.
• Everyone who tries the Power of Respect^SM loves it.
• Even three-year-olds can easily master it.
• For months a pre-school child has potty accidents. He is introduced to a strategy from the Power of Respect^SM. Within 2 weeks, no more accidents.
• A father and his seven-year-old daughter are always conflicting. They reluctantly participate in a strategy from the Power of Respect^SM.  Within minutes they have solved all their conflicts and never fight with each other again.
• “It’s every parent’s dream come true.” (quote from young woman first exposed to its possibilities)

 

It is my specialty, my mission, my passion.

 

I have been working with this for the past 37+ years. I’ve spent more than 21 of those years as a teacher in a classroom. I started a Montessori school in northern California in 1973 and got it funded by the State of California. Both the school and the funding continue to this day. I’ve written two books on the subject of mutual respect and put this information into three ebooks. I’ve given talks, workshops and classes on creating mutual respect. I recently created a Power of Respect Mini-Course that you can get free, if you sign up at http://www.parentchildteacher.com .

 

Books:

Parenting for the New Millennium

Karen Ryce’s Column Book: The Power of Respect

 

Ebooks:

Teens and the Power of Respect

Karen Ryce’s Column Book: The Power of Respect

Parenting with the Power of Respect

Websites:

www.besthelpfortroubledteens.com

www.parentchildteacher.com

 

I am a master at what I do.

 

I look forward to sharing the Power of Respect^SM with you.

 

Respectfully,

 

Karen Ryce

 

The Power of Respect^SM Education & Parenting

Karen Ryce

The Miracle Worker…of Education and Parenting

702-363-5564

3721 Deer Flats St.

Las Vegas, NV 89129

kvryce@parentchildteacher.com

http://www.parentchildteacher.com

http://www.besthelpfortroubledteens.com

 

 

The Power of Respect: The Fail-Safe Parenting Foundation

I was not intending to write here again today, but as I was doing other things, I realized that my committment to sharing insisted that I come back and continue today in response to the comment.

I am in the process of creating a 5-module training course. Today I will share enough for you to get started.

When I started to use the term the Power of Respect, I just meant that being respectful to children is a powerful thing to do with them, as I explained in the previous post.

However, when I was preparing for a workshop last year, I learned a deeper, fuller meaning for the Power of Respect. I looked up the meaning in a dictionary put out by Microsoft. It taught me that traditionally when you are respectful to someone, you think only of them and what you can do to please them. It said you defer to them.

That was a flash of light in my brain! With the Power of Respect, you not only want to please them, but you want to please yourself at the same time. That is what makes the Power of Respect so powerful! It is a means to harmony for all involved.

Who wants to be respectful to someone if it means that you have to defer to them and you might be suffering in the process? Well, you might still want to do that if your feelings are so great for the other person, but….. using the Power of Respect is so, so, so overwhelmingly much better….Once you do it, why would you want to do anything else?!? 

I have been teaching a strategy, a Power of Respect strategy to help people get going. I have taught it for many years. Originanally it came from P.E.T. back in the 70s, but it has evolved over the years.

It is very powerful. Even if you learn nothing more from me, if you dedicate yourself to using this strategy you and your children/teens will be doing very well.

I have a mini-course on my website http://www.parentchildteacher.com . It’s free, just sign up. You’ll get a series of 12 mini-lessons delivered via email, and it’s based on this strategy. I am including the first lesson, an overview, here.

Seven Simple Steps to end conflict!!

 

Power of Respect Tools and Skills and a Power of Respect Strategy to

take the “scary” out of trusting your kids:

 

Conflict is the basis of all the troubles between parents and children. Conflicts develop because everyone has differences: differences in interests, in beliefs, in values, in likes and dislikes. In just about anything you can think of there can be differences between two people. Picture this: no one has the same point of view, no one physically looks out of your eyes except you.

 

That’s not to say that we don’t have many things in common, but conflict comes when we have differences and do not know how to resolve them in a humane and peaceful manner.

 

Following is a list of seven steps toward successful, respectful, and peaceful ending of conflict. When you are starting out, you must complete every step to achieve success.

 

Step One

Set Up the Meeting: Be sure that the time and place chosen and decided on is agreeable with everyone involved. Anyone affected by decisions made at the meeting needs to be at the meeting, or needs to realize that decisions that are made that are binding to them, too.  Of course, if you do make a decision that they don’t like, another meeting can be set up to change that.

 

Be sure that you have paper and pen and a surface to write on.

 

Step Two

Ground Rules:

1) Define the problem and write it down. Come to agreement on exactly what the problem is. Make sure everyone has the same understanding of the problem before you write the final version of the problem.

 

Who “owns” the problem? Whose problem is it? Just because something is a problem for one person, it does not mean that it is a problem for everyone. Write down who owns the problem.

 

2) The solution must be a win-win solution. Everyone needs to understand that no solution will be used if one person does not like it for whatever reason. That idea will be crossed off the list of possible solutions. If only one part of an idea is not liked, only that part needs to be crossed off.

 

3) Everyone needs to understand that during the brainstorming, which happens next, no one criticizes any idea. This helps keep the ideas flowing. All ideas are written down. If anyone has trouble with this, they need to be reminded that the idea will not be used if someone does not like it, but for now please don’t say anything against it, no moans or groans or negative gestures.

 

Step Three

Brainstorm for solutions: Write down every idea, no matter how strange, no matter how silly, no matter who likes it or not.

 

Step Four

Discuss and eliminate any solutions or parts of solutions that are not acceptable to any of the participants. Cross off the idea or part of an idea. It is not usable. Using it would be disrespectful to the person who does not like it. If all ideas are crossed off, you must brainstorm again. You can do it right then, if everyone agrees to do so. However, it is more likely that you will have several ideas or parts of ideas to work with.

 

Step Five

Negotiation: Decide on acceptable, win-win solutions. Maybe one idea or parts of several ideas will fit together to make a mutually agreeable plan for a solution. Be sure the decision is written down and that everyone understands it in the same way. This is very, very important, if it is to work!

 

Misunderstandings cause a huge number of problems, huge!

 

Step Six

Put the solution or solutions into practice. Since each person knows their part of the solution as negotiated and written down (Step Five), now action can proceed.

 

Step Seven

Meet again and evaluate the success of the solution or solutions: Decide when you are going to meet to let each other know how the plan is working. If everything is going well, continue on, if not, go through the seven steps again to find something that seems like it will work better.

 

“This process may seem time consuming, but once everyone is practiced at it, you can eliminate the writing, and finding agreements becomes almost automatic. Then the peace in the family seems worth all the efforts at changing in the beginning.”

(from Karen Ryce’s Column Book the Power of Respect)

 

This can bring peace in the classroom, too, or in any childcare situation. I have taught this process to students as young as 3 – 3½. I taught this by being a mediator for the children and they learned quickly. A few sessions with me and they preferred to do the process themselves rather than spending time waiting while I write down all of their suggestions.

 

They quickly understood the essence which is that they need to find a win-win solution to their conflicts. After a few sessions they were able to find solutions almost instantly, like, “You can have the swing first if I can hold your bear.”

 

Through this process everyone’s needs get met, no one feels left out, powerless and uncared for. Everyone feels important and loved.

 

(Most of this information and much, much more is currently available on the website www.besthelpfortroubledteens.com )

The modules for the course I am designing are:

1. Ending Conflict
2. Bottom Line = Respect
3. Parent As Model
4. Trusting Kids
5. Raising A Democratic Citizen

I’ll go over these in other blogs.

Best Wishes Always,

Karen Ryce

P.S. Please feel free to share this post as widely as you like.

Living An Inspired Life

I woke up about 4:30 am. I knew I wasn’t going back to sleep. I did my morning blessings and visualizations. I knew that today begins a new era in my work: now I share as massively as I can.

When I first heard of social networking via the net I knew it was a major vehicle for me. I’ve had dreams of traveling and sharing from place to place, places I love. And I am going to do that, but right now that is not happening.

Now I am sharing with all of you what allows me to perform what seems like miracles to others, so that everyone who wants to can do this, too. This is my contribution to creating heaven on earth.

I’ve been working in this field since 1970 starting with studying Montessori in India. I love India. And I love Montessori, provided the teachers are loving and compassionate. It has many things built into it that help the children stay true to their own nature and become deeply centered beings, as I believe we are meant to be by nature.

Sure they learn lots of things, reading, math, science, art, beautiful social interaction, how to focus, to concentrate….but really, the focus and the concentration happen by nature because this is their means to bring all of the elements of their being into harmony. So it seems to me that nature sets it up this way.

So…back to the miracles…My miracles are based on what I have come to call the Power of Respect. That is an inspired name, I am sure. I first used it as the title for a newspaper column I had. It was Q&A and people in my community asked me questions about how to be respectful in a variety of situations, and I would answer them in the weekly column.

This was after I’d written my first book, Friendly Families and the Power of Respect, so I guess I first used it here. I’d forgotten this, because for many years the book has been titled: Parenting for the New Millennium. Anyway, as I was writing that book, I became consumed with the desire to share this knowledge with everyone. That sure began a long, strange, wonderful journey.

It seemed as I looked around me (this was late ’80s), and this had been since we started our Montessori school in northern California in1973, no one else saw what I saw. No one else saw how powerful treating children respectfully could be.

Now times are different. Positive parenting has become much more practiced, though parents are still hurting their children (spanking, whipping, slapping, even beating, pulling their ears, washing their mouth out with soap, putting chili in their mouths–and some of these were listed on a Family Feud–so it’s still with us).

I’m not saying parents who practice a form of positive parenting hurt their children, at least not physically. (Time-out hurts, taking away things or priveleges hurts, grounding hurts…)Attachment parents may not hurt them at all. But understand that even just being the one in charge and they have to do what you say whether they agree or not, even this does hurt them, and worse of all–it keeps the love you are feeling from them from reaching them. You know that hurts…

Taking away any human being’s personal power hurts that human being. Period.

What I am here to offer is a fail-safe foundation for any positive parenting practice. I also hope to convince parents who do not practice parenting positively, that there is a way to create such good feelings in their family that family misery can be a thing of the past…and it can happen fast.

Well, this is as far as I am inspired to go today. So be as respectful to your children as you can and I can help you make this an unfailing bedrock to create a peaceful, loving, very enjoyable family life.

Best Wishes To All,

Karen Ryce