I was just about to go to sleep…I was thinking over something I learned very long ago, but it is only tonight that I realized it, made it a living real part of me. Then I thought that this is knowledge that a two-year-old is designed to develop. 

I’ve known that some part of my development stopped at that age, due to many traumas and not having respect as the foundation in my family. It can be very hard to be respectful to two-year-olds. Now I feel I can go on, as if some very deep healing has taken place.

I feel peace, light, joy and I had to come write to you about two-year-olds, or at least begin the process.

The two-year-old has entered a critical stage of development. They are no longer inwardly compelled to do certain things as a baby or toddler is. Think how many times you try to stop a baby from putting something in her mouth. She is compelled to experience that object in that way.

But the two-year-old can now be outwardly motivated, as an older child can. Unfortunately, many parents do not seem understand the developmental role of this period and do many things to hamper that development.

This is the time for the individual to develop their will power. So they are practicing wanting and willing and persevering. It is very important for them to do this work, as these abilities are very important to their role as an adult.

During this time of development the child is not an integrated being. They are working on developing their intelligence, their will and their movements, separately. After this time they begin to integrate. But it is the will that gives the parents the most trouble.

Please understand that the two-year-old needs to practice wanting, so, as much as possible do not interfere with this practice. If you can let them go after what they want, they will learn many valuable lessons that will serve them well in their life.

Because they are just practicing wanting, they do not necessarily have an intelligent interest in what they are wanting, and so if it is inappropriate, can be redirected to want something else. “Ooo, look at this!” with gentle physical redirection is quite sufficient for redirecting.

If they are determined to go after a certain object or experience, perhaps their intelligence is guiding them to do this, and integration is taking place. In that case, it is good if you can help it happen safely rather than block it. Most things they want to do are not dangerous. (I say that because someone always says, “but what if they want to run into the street?”)

I would be inclined to show them the danger as safely as possible. At our Montessori school we had a match activity with very specific safeguards. The children learned how to use matches safely. Living out in the country, this was a very important skill.

Another reason they might persist is the development of the ability to persevere. This is so critical to success. I’ll discuss this more another time.

By the way, the information I have now integrated is: if I have a goal, my actions either bring me closer or further away, and it’s ok to have a goal and to take actions that move me ever closer to fulfilling that goal until it is fulfilled. I believe that if I had been allowed and helped to develop as I was born to develop, I would have integrated this knowledge by the end of my second year.

But maybe I would not have become conscious of the process and determined to share it with the world, along with other aspects of the Power of Respect. (Have you checked out the Power of Respect blog?)

Sweet dreams.